


High Noon

by AOO



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Action, Gen, Humor, Old West
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:39:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3238373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AOO/pseuds/AOO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The brothers take on the alter egos of two lawmen, back in the old west, in some unspecified town. Action, Danger, Humor and very, very, very mild Violence ensue.</p><p>As always, this is entirely fictional. None of this has ever happened, not even long, long ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	High Noon

The sun was beating down on the dirt street. It had to be almost straight above their heads.

 

“Reckon it’s just about high noon, Sheriff.” The tall blond man had his hands on his hips, and one of his trademark cocky smiles on his lips.

 

That was just like his deputy to point out the obvious. They started walking toward the saloon, as that was in the middle of town and therefore, it was where action of this sort usually began. His deputy was walking with an unusual amount of swagger, his spurs jingling loudly as he strode down the wooden planked sidewalk. Deputy Billy Daniels, could be cocky and contrary at times, but the Sheriff knew him to be funny and exceptionally good at harmonizing. More to the point, he was also the best gunslinger he’d ever met. Anyway, it really didn’t matter what he thought of him, they were just stuck with each other.

 

A pretty blond woman with three children caught Billy's eye. She was standing on the sidewalk next to one daughter, her older daughter stood a few feet away looking disinterested. "Billy could you do something about him?" Billy turned to see a young tow headed boy swinging with his full weight on the wooden railing. He picked the boy up and spun him around a couple of times before setting him down. The little boy looked up at him with a big smile and sparkling blue eyes that mirrored his own. That smile and the fact that the child was still giggling from all the twirling, made it impossible for Billy to keep a straight face. "Now you go over there and mind your mama."

 

"Ok, papa." The little boy was still giggling as he skipped to her side.

 

"Thank you." His wife looked truly appreciative.

 

"Weren't nothing. Glad to help."

 

Then, she smiled at him, the way she always did when he was about to do something stupid, and batted her eyes. “Billy, please be careful. You’re bound to be outnumbered.”

 

Billy smiled broadly and tipped his hat back, revealing his own brilliant blue eyes. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, darlin’. I think Sheriff Walker and I have this under control.”

 

Sheriff Walker rolled his eyes and grabbed his deputy by the elbow to move him along.

 

“Johnny! Johnny, we’re over here!” A few paces further along, stood another beautiful woman holding a toddler with dark curls. A girl and a boy with similar hair played together nearby on a wooden bench. "Johnny. Johnny?" She gave Billy a look that spurred him into action.

 

“Er hmmm. Johnny.” Billy elbowed the shorter man. “Sheriff, this beautiful young woman is a talkin' to you. "

 

Johnny had been looking up and down the street for any signs of trouble. “What? Oh yes!" He turned and focused on the woman, his face lighting up into a genuine smile. "Hello, Ma’am. Beautiful day today, ain’t it?”

 

“Ma’am? I’m your wife!” The woman looked mildly amused.

 

“Yes, of course! I know that. I just didn’t want to tip off the Williams gang to that fact. I wouldn't want them to cause harm to you or the children.”

 

“Oh, is that it?" The words came out with a gentle laugh. She trusted him completely, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he was hoping for a little harmless flirting, from the younger women, after the deed was done. She smiled at her husband. Men were so simple. She'd let him have his fun. Besides, he looked kind of sexy in that hat. "We’ll be here when you’re done.”

 

“Mighty kind of you to show that kind of confidence in me. I will do my best to come back to you and the youngins.”

 

“Oh, Johnny!” She placed her hand over her heart and swooned, but then her attention turned to the toddler, who seemed to be about to put something into his mouth. After picking up the boy, she gave Johnny a brief wave and then turned her attention completely to the active child.

 

“Sheriff Walker! Are you going to come out and face us like a man or are you too yeller?” In the middle of the street stood the patriarch of the Williams gang, along with his three sons who stood a few paces behind him.

 

The rest of the gang was nowhere in sight, but Johnny had no doubt that they would appear before all this was through. “Of course I am! Billy, come along.”

 

“No, that’s alright. I reckon I can see everything just fine from right here.” Billy had pulled a wooden chair from its spot next to the building and was sitting next to the few steps that led down to the street.

 

“Billy, you’re supposed to help me. That’s what a deputy does.”

 

“I will, if you need me. But _you’re_ the sheriff, not _me_. Go out and show them who’s in charge around these here parts.”

 

Recognizing that Billy would not be moved, Johnny sighed and stepped out into the now deserted street. The only other living beings that remained in the street, were a couple of horses who were tied up to the hitchin’ post. The sidewalks, however, were beginning to fill with gawkers, no doubt wondering how this business would end.

 

Johnny ambled out to the center of the street. It was just him now, facing some of the most notorious outlaws this side of the Mississippi.

 

“Where’s your little friend Sheriff? Was this more than he could handle?”

 

Johnny glanced over at his deputy. Billy was sitting on the chair, his long legs were stretched out and resting up on the wooden railing in front of him. Billy gave him a wink and a smile that seemed to say, ‘You’ve got this.’ He would have to talk to him about that winking crap, it wasn’t manly.

 

“He’s on his lunch break.” By this time a large crowd had gathered, and not just men mind you, but women and children too. Johnny swallowed hard. Their protection was all on his shoulders now.  “You’ll have to settle this with me.”

 

“I’m of a mind to do just that,” Big Bart snarled.

 

A hush fell over the crowd. Johnny’s stetson shaded his brown eyes and covered much of his dark curly hair. That which wasn’t covered, fell down to his collar, save for a lone curl which was blowing slightly against his forehead. He sighed to himself. He supposed that he really should give them one more chance. “I would advise you to take your men and your horses and just ride away. We don’t need any trouble here.”

 

“You’d advise me, would you?”

 

“That’s right. I don’t want to have you on my conscience at the end of the day.”

 

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that, Sheriff, if I were you.” The outlaw huffed. The gang leader threw his shoulders back in an attempt to look even larger and more intimidating. It worked. “If you’re done with your _advising_ , I suggest we get down to business.

 

“Well, if you refuse to leave, I guess I’m left with no alternative. As sheriff, I can’t rightly pull my gun and shoot a man unless I’m being threatened. If you want to fight, you’ll have to be the first draw.”

 

Big Bart squinted his eyes and gave Johnny a steely look. Johnny questioned whether the look was intended to frighten him, or whether it was just a reaction to the sun’s rays reflecting off the nearby steel watering trough. Regardless, he could see that Bart's fingers were twitching, his hand hovering just above his holster.

 

Johnny stood poised, ready for the outlaw to shout "draw" but, without any further ado, Big Bart went for his gun. That really didn't seem proper but then, why had he expected Big Bart to be anything but underhanded? Johnny drew his six-shooter and easily hit his mark, sending the big man sprawling to the ground. 

 

One of Big Bart's sons shouted out, "Pa!", and then the Williams brothers pulled out their guns and ran for cover. Johnny reacted quickly and found protection behind a few large barrels. The sound of gunfire filled the air, which slightly amused Johnny since they were just wasting their ammo. In the midst of this, he glanced to his left and saw Billy, still sitting in the chair, legs up, ankles crossed. He looked completely relaxed and seemed to be chewing on an apple. When their eyes met, Billy smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

 

Johnny went back to his current problem, he'd deal with Billy later. From across the road, one of the Williams brothers leaned out into view and took a shot. Quickly, Johnny returned fire, and saw his target fall.

 

Looking up the street a ways he saw another one of the brothers, hiding behind a wagon. Johnny smiled and shook his head. It was fortunate for lawmen everywhere that your _average_ criminal was usually of _below average_ intelligence. When the outlaw’s legs moved, Johnny was ready and picked him off easily.

 

That left one Williams brother. Johnny started creeping forward. He had no idea where the last brother was hiding. He couldn’t see him anywhere. Then he heard a shout.

 

“Look out!” Billy had spotted the third brother, across the street and behind Johnny. Billy reckoned that the wily outlaw must have circled around the building while Johnny was fending off the other two brothers. Billy jumped into action and bounded into the street, while Johnny dove back behind the barrels. True to form, Billy took care of the final Williams brother with one bullet, but not before the outlaw had gotten a shot off at Johnny.

 

Billy hurried over to join the Sheriff. “Are you hit?”

 

“Nah, it’s just a scratch.” Johnny had his hand on his right shoulder, but managed a smile. "We have to keep an eye out for the rest of them." He looked nervously up and down the street, then cried out. "Billy look above you!” Sheriff Johnny had spotted the rest of the gang, they had taken to the roof tops. With a couple of shots, Johnny dropped the outlaw closest to them, stopping the man before he got a shot off. At the same time, Billy looked across the street and saw two more gang members. The outlaws began firing from their rooftop vantage point. Billy quickly moved to protect the Sheriff’s back. With two quick shots Billy took out both gunmen, the last of them falling backwards off the roof and out of sight.

 

Against all odds, the two of them had taken on the entire Williams gang and won. Johnny turned his head to congratulate Billy, but peace in the west always comes at a cost. Billy was on the ground, dead.

 

The crowd was silent, obviously saddened by the loss.

 

“Let’s give our volunteers a round of applause.” A perky young woman in a gingham shirt and a fringed vest walked out into the street with her cordless microphone.

 

Vegard jumped up to receive the applause, but Bård was still lying there, lifeless. A gentle kick to his legs brought him back to life and up onto his feet. The Williams gang members were up on their feet as well, including the stuntman who had fallen off the roof. They walked to the middle of the street and stood in a line, next to the woman.

 

“And, of course, some applause for our very own Williams gang.” The woman, who had introduced herself earlier as Mindy Thomas, swept her arm toward the gang members and continued to hold it out, encouraging more applause. She was, among other things, the gunfight coordinator at this old western theme park.

 

Vegard and Bård followed the gang members lead and joined them in the middle of the street, falling in line as they had.

 

“Once more, let’s really thank our volunteers and the Williams gang.” Mindy smiled broadly as she joined the crowd in applauding for everyone involved.   
  


They all took a bow, once to one side of the street and again towards the other. The assembled tourists applauded appreciatively, while some of the children, tired of standing still, ran out into the street and started playing out their own gunfights with imaginary weapons.

 

“Remember, if you’d like to be a part of this thrilling show, come and talk to me later.”

 

Mindy turned off her Mic and turned to Bård and Vegard. “Thank you for volunteering. You did a fine job.” She walked with them, back to their waiting families. “Although, I didn’t quite understand what you were doing there, sitting down through most of the gunfight. I don’t think we’ve ever had anyone interpret the role of Billy Daniels in quite that way.” She looked quizzically at Bård and then added, “And you really weren’t supposed to die.”

 

“I think he was doing some kind of performance art that only he would think was funny.” Vegard was unable to hold back his own laughter though, as he recalled Bård's performance. “Ok. Maybe I thought it was funny too.”

 

“Oh, come on, I'll bet lots of people thought it was funny. Soph?”

 

Bård’s oldest daughter was still mesmerized by her smart phone. She glanced up just long enough to ask, “What?”,  but she didn’t wait for her father’s reply before looking back down. Bård had to wonder if she would remember anything about this vacation at all. She was much more interested in the current drama taking place amongst her friends, which no doubt would be over by the time they returned.

 

He turned to his middle child. “Alright, Nora. What did you think?”

 

“Yeah. I got it. You were making Uncle Vegard do all the work. It was funny.” Nora was a master at deadpan replies, so her remark left him disappointed, and yet proud at the same time.

 

“Well… sort of. He was the sheriff and I was… oh, never mind.” Bård turned to his youngest child. Surely the boy, who was so much as he had been as a child, had enjoyed the show. “How about you? Did you like the show?”

 

“Papa, swing me around again!”

 

“They keep you grounded don’t they, Bård?” Vegard was standing next to him chuckling.

 

“This was fun,” Bård turned to Mindy. “Do you think I could be in the 2:00 pm show too? I’d like to be the outlaw who falls off the roof.”

 

“No sir, that man is a paid professional. We don’t have enough insurance to allow you to do that.”

 

“That’s a relief!”, piped up Bård’s wife. “Besides, after we get a bite to eat, we need to move on. Poor Soph is bored to death.” She quickly amended her comment, “I, however enjoyed your performance… although it was a little weird.”

 

“Thanks! I’ll take that as a complement.”

 

“Sir, I don’t mean to rush you, but we do need you to return those boots and the rest of your outfits.” Mindy seemed to be ready to move on to her next project. 

 

A few minutes later, Bård was sitting on a bench in the staging area, trying to pull off the cowboy boots, without much success. “Vegard, why didn’t you wear cowboy boots?” 

 

“Well, let’s see. They do this show, three times a day?” Vegard turned to Mindy for verification.

 

“Yes. And four times a day, on weekends and holidays.”

 

Vegard started pulling on Bård’s boot, as he didn't seem to be having much luck on his own. “That’s over twenty times a week. Over a thousand times a year. Do you know how many feet have been in those boots?” Vegard scrunched up his face, disgusted at the thought.

 

“You’re such a pansy sometimes, Vegard. I’m willing to suffer for my art.” Just then Bård’s first boot came off, causing Vegard to stagger back a few feet.

 

“Whatever. Just don’t cry to me when we have to stop at the pharmacy for some sort of anti-fungal foot powder.”

 

 _“Don’t cry to me.”_ Bård replied, mockingly.

 

Vegard looked up and raised an eyebrow, he was considering whether to continue pulling on the second boot.

 

“Sorry.” Bård attempted to smile endearingly.

 

Vegard couldn’t stay mad at that stupid grin. He gave one last tug and the boot came off, sending him backwards so quickly that he landed on his backside.

 

A few minutes later, Bård and Vegard were walking back to their families having returned the microphones, hats, guns, and holsters. Bård had changed back into his own shoes, leaving the boots behind with regret. “I may need to stop and buy some cowboy boots.”

 

“Where are you _ever_ going to wear them?”

 

“I don’t know. Don’t you have any sense of whimsy?”

 

Vegard shook his head, laughing. “So, why _did_ you sit down during the gunfight?”

 

“You wouldn’t let me be sheriff.”

 

Vegard giggled. “I thought so. And why did you die?”

 

“It was an artistic choice. You wouldn’t understand.” They were both giggling as they rejoined their families.

 

“Oh, good, you’re finally back.” Maria was trying to look at Bård while she was talking, but their youngest one was pulling her arm. “The kids are starving. We’re going to the cafe.”

 

“Hold on pardner. I’m going to have to kindly request that you stop pulling on your mama.” In one move Bård picked up his youngest child and swung the giggling boy up onto his shoulders. He and Maria started walking toward the cafe with one of their own children and two of Vegard’s running circles around them. Their oldest daughter brought up the rear, eyes fixed upon the electronic rectangle that kept her in contact with civilization.

  
“So, did you like our performance, Helene?” Vegard reached out and took their youngest child, hoping to give his wife’s arms a little rest.

 

“Oh, I liked it right fine, Sheriff. I think we should get you one of those felt hats.” She smiled and wiggled her eyebrows.

 

“Oh, I see.”  Vegard made a _“tch tch”_ sound, out of the side of his mouth, as he winked. “I like the way you’re thinking.” The three of them then followed the others into the sunset.

 

The Sunset Cafe, that is.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ummm... I don't know.... I couldn't help myself? Hope you enjoyed my little flight of fancy. I guess I needed to cleanse my pallet, so to speak, with a little humor.


End file.
